the results of heightened stress and anxiety are not pretty.
I just realised i had seriously picked at my skin and pulled hair out
also tomorrow i’m committing to taking my meds again to see if I cope better. I need my brain to be sharp and as focused as possible for exams and right know it is sludge
finished the group assignment, huge weight off my shoulders, then went and saw dietician, weight back on them. she challenges me which is necessary, especially since i hadn’t seen her since the start of the year, and i guess a lot has and can change in that time, and i don’t get challenged about food (and exercise now) like that anymore at home by family
but it also brought up thoughts and issues i have with my family which made me feel uneasy and I can tell mum is pissed off now because things i said but she’s a fucking selfish drama queen.
I’m just focusing on myself now, for the better, and not getting into her or anyone else’s bullshit. this is my one life to live and i won’t be made to feel like shit by anyone (and i won’t let myself treat myself like shit either)
anyway she said i should probably journal more, i find it easier to type so I’m sorry if you read this. dad took my blood this morning, hopefully my iron levels, white blood cells and vitamin D etc. are better and i’ve also been told to up my calcium and find ways to have more which is a struggle. she also said i should finally go get my bone density scan but I’m kinda scared to see how much stress I’ve put on my bones over the years, but it could also be a good thing, a reality check of sorts to kick me in the butt. (& also i need to stop running because that’ll make them worse at this point)
now I’m going to relax and watch a movie or something since i had a shit sleep and have been slaving my mind over work. (actually i pretty much spent all yesterday precast-drinking and procasti-eating, does anyone else do that???? 🐰